What's Wrong??

Some thing's wrong, terribly wrong. Laziness and misfortune are going hand in hand in my case.
first I don't work and when I want to work , then there is no work because of my sheer misfortune , someone else got that chance that would have been mine. I don't Know Why? or may be I know but just too chicken to admit it. The only hope left for me is the tcs thing. I hope they do call , and send me to some place which is far away from Delhi , so that I can make excuses not to come to delhi.
I promise I will work there , as much as they can give me. But first thing first , let them call.

I always wanted to live alone , but financial crunches always kept me away from the boarding schools . The school was in stone's throw range and the college was as far as the closest market. so no fun there too. These past days , I have been meeting amateur palmists, face readers etc. And some of them are really good. One of them said this to me :
" You can never be happy because you are never satisfied with what you have got " .
True , absolutely, I knew that but couldn't ever frame them in words. But even after knowing the cause ,still can I change my natural trait??

The only solution in my case is that I must live alone, working hard somewhere far away from Delhi , away from all friends , family and everyone I know . That would be my ultimate wish these days to live with strangers and not with my acquaintances .
May be I am running away from something but sometimes running away is all you can do...

I and me

I don't know why but I quit my job in HCL BPO on Tuesday and so I am once again jobless. No worries , I still have the WIPRO option . And that starts with next week . I don't want to go to any more BPO . So lets see if I can find a way out of this mess I have created . During all this time , I have noticed two things :_

1 : No matter how many friends you have, they won't call you when you need them .
2: If you don't have any big career plans (GRE,CAT etc)you are busy with, those so called friends consider you inferior and won't talk to you.

So guys if you can understand what I am saying. Just mug up one thing . Every time you complete one mission towards your career goal, start looking for another . Don't sit idle and the most important thing never trust your friends more than yourself . Never tell them your real plans because at least they won't tell you . so just shove the middle finger in their faces and move ahead. Its a long way to go and YOU ARE ALONE .

Desire ???????

Some people live to serve as an example to others . Count me one of them . so PLEASE



That is the ultimate question : -
What do I want??

I am earning money without breaking a sweat. Literally,I have absolutely nothing to do . I just have to be there physically so that they can count the heads. And people say this is life, they crave for this kind of life and I am getting sick of this. I can't clear the assessments(even in 3rd attempt) and I know I won't be able to do it in hundred more attempts . Not that I lack in knowledge, its just that I am not the type of person for a call center . They want me to talk on abstract topics. fuck you ,I wont talk , I don't want to talk. I went there so that I can get lost in weird crowd but no ,bloody hell I just won't get what I dream of getting. I just won't. There are some things that I want which may be harmful to me in long run . And god gives me something that may be good for me but I just can't accept it. I won't accept it no matter what. Thats me, a stubborn person who wants his desired thing his way every time and at the time decided by him.
What a fool I am? Why can't I be happy with what I have got? Why??????

a person in cab today said : A man does any task because of three reasons
1: Passion (I lost it long way back)
2: compulsion (No one can force me , so I take blame for everything)
3: no other option

Now that suits me,the third option. May be thats the reason I cant be happy. At the current state of mind ,I would like to quote a line from bon jovi : " No one can save me , the damage is done" . I am going over to the negative side unless and until I hit the rock bottom.

People in call center are so positive , so goddamn positive that I feel like a suicidal person . They are so fucking full of life that I am envious of their attitude , their zeal for life. I don't know whether I was ever like them but surely I would like to be like them. Thats the one desire that makes me sit up at 4 in morning to wait for cab.

Only one pray to GOD this time.
O God , as you know I have been selected in TCS . Please send me somewhere where no one knows me , where I don't know anyone and where I can start my life all over again.
May be that will ruin me thoroughly but then when did I back out. Just bring it on. amen

the serenity prayer

confession of a lost mind
Someone said last day that I am not satisfied with what I have got . True , I agree it is the real hard sour truth and may be it is one of the reason I don't enjoy the current proceedings. Even minor bumps can throw me out of way to happiness.
I don't like things that I get but always yearn for things my friends own . and so I hate them for their ownership over my favorite (desired) things.
I don't know but I always feel that I have very few years left to live. I don't know Why? There is nothing wrong physically but I guess psychologically I am going towards my end. Thats the reason I want everything before time and in excess . I believe that life ends at 30 , after all till 30 is the time you live for yourself ,otherwise its family and the worldly bull shit. The thing with me is that I don't want the worldly comfort but I want something that I don't deserve . So Oh dear God, give me what I want and take anything in return (my life I can offer) whenever you want .

The serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.