a friend

Finally , there is a friend who understood my dilemma and suggested exactly what i wanted to hear. Kudos to you . you are a friend indeed. For people who don't know what I am talking about , there are some excerpts. Make your own goddamn story.

The year started with me getting hit by a thunderbolt once again . No shit , I know that was it and if you were there , you would have said the same thing. I know how I spent the first three months trying to figure out what to do (me still confused , actually) , and after that I got used to it.
There is nothing major lead yet and I still get 'reminiscence attack' once in a while.

Nobody, absolutely nobody understood exactly what the problem is, and gave vague solutions to my supposed problem . But today after meeting my alter ego ( my friend) , I guess he is the only one to have given it a serious thought and he is the only one daring enough to call things on my face. Even my parents couldn't give me a sure shot answer but I guess now since the path is in sight . I just have to pave it accordingly and walk up on it till the end. And this time I won't stop till its over.

A song i would like to dedicate myself..

The Rasmus - In the shadows

No sleep
No sleep until I am done with finding the answer
Won't stop
Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes
I feel I going down and so disconnected
Somehow
I know that I am haunted to be wanted

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

In the shadows

In the shadows

They say
That i must learn to kill before i can feel safe
But I
I rather kill myself then turn into their slave
Sometimes
I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow
I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

Lately I been walking walking in circles, watching waiting for something
Feel me touch me heal me, come take me higher

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life
I've been watching
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been living for tomorrows

In the shadows

In the shadows
I've been waiting
I've been waiting

But I don't want to wait for anyone or anything. Let it come to myself.
Let me be myself from this moment. Amen

Current Status

After forgettable four years in a fucked up college of Engineering , I landed in a BPO for some recreation and keeping my mind away from suicidal thoughts .
I thought some hard work and tight schedule will help me dissolve the feeling that Engineering was a hollow study(degree) and no substance in it at all. But again, the scenario is just like our college , bloody sarkaari BPO , with a slight difference. Just waste your time and get money in lieu of that.

may be the problem lies in fact that I want to learn and don't want to do masti like some fukre people. I take things too seriously. ( i would like some comment on this).

so talking about BPO , all I have done is to research on marijuana ( for some passage) and drank beer and smoked cigars (saste waale) with fellow cabbies , learned some grammar,punctuation,vowels and consonants , like shit it will change my understanding for/of the language.

My daily Schedule( in american accent it is "s-ki-dule".)
I wake up around 5 a.m . to find myself waiting for my cab. To hell with it, since when and what for i decided to join this call centre, i don't know. The time for commuting is 5 hours daily to far end of noida (sec 59) . Due to some past events in BPO ,like driver fucking a drunken female (obviously) employee etc, its a policy to send different drivers and cab mates with/on different routes . So everyday I look for familiar faces in cab to talk to , which I seldom succeed in. But no matter what company policies are , men bond over talk of porn, beer , girls(read sluts)and as the natural instinct of Indian male becomes dominant ,nearly everyday ends up with beer and cigarettes and more bullshit talk about jugaad and all. As far as the time in office is concerned , its no better than that in college (and honestly,i don't like it ) but when you are getting paid for getting bored , it is justified.
Now that is a daily routine.
I know I told people that i quit smoking, drinking and eating non veg but then I can't restrain myself further, one of the many steps I am taking /going to take to become more carefree.


girls (interesting topic)
My problem is that I have (and i still do) always respected the girls , never flirted(indecently) with any girl, may be that is the reason that even after being in BPO for 10 days, i couldn't find a girl. (you know what for) . So I am trying , not to take them seriously and speak more in front of them. The way guys of my cab talk to their beautiful batch mates(they call them sluts in their face and girls respond with a seductive smile) , it makes me wonder whether there is any "good girl" left or not . but then as a new friend prateek said to me: If they were good girls, they would not have come to a call center. To end all this seemingly boring and trite topic , let me summarize it with a fine line of mine.
There is a bad girl in every good girl , they just come out in call center. Send them there to check their dignity.

Silver lining

It is a new start and i would appreciate all you people's ideas and support....


FUCK The earlier posts . They are full of shit from a man depressed because he cant find a place to fit in. Everything is either too messy or too simple. to make a long story short , i would just say DON'T READ BELOW THIS.